“My First Kiss” by 3Oh3 and Kesha

Ah, yes, the only Crunkcore band to date to have actual hits. I’ve always believed that even the most hated genres have at least a few talented artists in them, but if that’s the case, the ones in the Crunkcore genre must be hiding. What is Crunkcore? Well, take the worst elements of bad Electronica, the worst elements of bad Hardcore Punk, and the worst elements of bad mid-2000s party rap, put in a blender, and set to “the worst goddamned music I’ve ever heard in my life”. As I said, of all the acts in the genre (which includes such fine, upstanding bands as Brokencyde, Blood on the Dance Floor and Breathe Carolina), these idiots are the only ones to really trouble the Top Forty, notching two fluke hits riding on the ’09-’10 Club music craze, plus a guest shot on Kesha’s “Blah Blah Blah”(for which she returns the favor with an overhyped but ultimately miniscule cameo here). Given that these idiots’ last hit featured a sex joke referencing Helen Keller, we pretty much knew what we were in for…two moronic frat boys basically doing a completely unintentional Beavis-and-Butthead routine…but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. They manage to top the sexism of their last hit (which, please note, featured the refrain “Don’t trust a ho”), they provide pickup lines that make Akon’s “I Wanna Fuck You” seem downright smooth by comparison, and they have no idea how tenses work, which manages to make this song confusing on top of everything else. Frankly, we already had a vastly better goofy dance-rock band in Cobra Starship, a group who were actually funny, didn’t insult our intelligence, and didn’t approach gender relations from the perspective of seven-year-olds building a “no girls allowed” treehouse while using their heads as hammers.

Verdict: Bad.

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